Nagging and Quarrelsome It kills intimacy

Many times partners do not realize that they are actually quarrelsome or nagging and it becomes habitual if not nibbled in the bud. It sometimes seems as though one is only reminding their partner of known duties and responsibilities or simply giving directions. Are you nagging and quarrelsome  it kills intimacy . Would you call yourself a nagging wife/husband? The definition of a nagging and quarrelsome wife lies with the person on the receiving end and so their opinion counts.

Nagging can lead to a vicious self-defeating cycle; it puts the nagging partner in the position of superiority and is seen as controlling, insensitive, mean and very cruel.  Although the partner’s reasons for being nagging and quarrelsome may be valid their partner may not see it that way and going on being quarrelsome and nagging only defeats the purpose of growing towards oneness causing the offended partner to become resentful, defensive and also exhibiting emotions of anger, irritation, agitation, removing themselves both physically and emotionally to avoid hurting, and before long, the romance is out through the window and intimacy becomes a thing of the past.

Women are actually more prone to being quarrelsome and nagging, no wonder the book of knowledge, the scriptures has pointed it out clearly;  “it is Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife or to live alone in a desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining and ill-tempered wife”.

Many times the response given by the partner is usually about how much they love their partner and that is why they bring things up because they want the relationship to work. What they do not understand is that it is not about bringing up issues, but how they do it in love. Love is the most profound emotion known to human being, no wonder it is said that “Love does make the world go round!” For most people, romantic relationships color their world view bringing meaning to their lives.  Everyone desires to have a great relationship, experience love and romance and live happily ever after.  Peter had this in mind when he found the love of his life and his canvas was finally complete; to love and to hold in bliss as long as they both shall live. Although Peter loves his wife deeply he is greatly challenged because of her quarrelsome and nagging nature.  According to Peter, his wife is extremely quarrelsome, nagging, spiteful, critical and extremely cynical and this is hurting their relationship deeply although she does not seem to acknowledge it. “I take every opportunity just to be away from her keeping busy at work although I would prefer to be home. Any communication with her ends up being hurtful”.

It is not uncommon for partners to be nagging and quarrelsome without even realizing it; on the other hand partners can live in such a relationship in denial and not face the challenge which slowly and surely destroys the relationship. It may be helpful to first acknowledge, take responsibility and then address the issues;

What are the reasons for nagging?

Feelings and emotions play a major part in nagging or being quarrelsome  and is sometimes a way of  exhibiting poor self image, self-centeredness, and is a sure poor means of communication. Many naggers are ignorant of the fact that they are perpetual naggers, only acknowledging it when their partner’s continually bring it up, and at times, may even choose to be defensive and live in denial accusing the partner of being insensitive. Various unresolved issues that cause a strain on the relationship play a part, this could range from money matters, insecurities,  sex, trust and unmet expectations to mention but a few.

How to deal with it

Many couples are unable to envision what their relationship will be like on a routine basis. For those anticipating a happily ever after marriage, disappointment is likely to come sooner or later. Anything which can be done to help prepare for the inevitable changes of relationships is a good investment.

Avoid being the nagging partner and speak your heart out articulating your issues clearly upholding your partner with dignity and respect. Being nagging and quarrelsome does not provide the intended results, as a matter of fact it only exposes your ignorance, selfishness and instability so change your tactics, it is not worth the energy.

Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner .When all is not well, it works best to discuss things at the right time and remember do and speak unto your partner as you would like to be addressed.