Betrayal is probably the most devastating experience anyone can endure in relationships. When a spouse deceives you, trust is lost. Betrayal is a violation of trust and goodwill. It produces moral and psychological conflicts in any relationship. It can be a result of broken promises, failed loyalties, unfaithfulness, or unmet expectations. It has destroyed many which have ended long-term friendships, and created havoc in families, causing everybody involved a lot of pain, frustration, anger, stress, and depression. When the deception is committed by a spouse, the partner experiences an affliction that takes a long time to heal. Some, in fact, never recover as their world crumbles awakening a new reality: you are just as vulnerable as everybody else. The good news is that we all can Make the right CHOICE and find HEALING BEYOND BETRAYAL it is possible to heal from betrayal and enjoy a lasting fruitful relationship.
Since the launch of Marriage Built to Last, I have realized that we need to be continuously proactive in enhancing the quality of relationships, through coaching and counselling. Most people put great consideration and effort into the wedding preparations but neglect to do so for the lifelong marital journey. They end up in the deep end of the pool, without knowing how to swim. Every day, many couples tie the knot in lavish weddings, in the hope of enjoying lifetime unions. Unfortunately, even before they can celebrate their first anniversaries, some of those marital relationships fall apart, and society loses another building block in its structure.
Healing from betrayal is a choice. I would like to share some insights which will hopefully help you recover and thrive in your relationship;
- The key to healing from betrayal is forgiveness. If your spouse had betrayed you, you must find a way to forgive him. If you are the offending party, you must learn to forgive yourself and seek forgiveness. Forgiveness reopens the door to true intimacy and connection. It results from a conscious decision to stop the blame game, make peace, and start afresh on a clean slate. If the past has had you in its clutches, take the next step and make a choice to let the past remain in the past. Today is a new day and yes you can rejoice and thrive again!
- Trust is also crucial in relationships and is cultivated over long periods but can be destroyed in the blink of an eye. It is a powerful tool that helps your relationship grow in every aspect. It builds a sense of security for you and your spouse, betrayal destroys trust, begin to rebuilt by taking daily purposeful steps.
- Acceptance is important; it is not easy for two people of completely different backgrounds to come together. It requires compromise and unconditional acceptance. Denial only prolongs the process, instead recognise areas of strength and weakness of your partner and don’t have unrealistic expectations. Do not waste your energies, trying to change character, it takes long periods of positive influence. No one is perfect, learn to put up with some of their flaws. Remember your commitment: for richer or poorer, better or worse, in sickness and in health.
- Communication is the foundation of a relationship. Regardless of the betrayal have open and honest communication, it does not matter how painful the situation is open communication will help resolve the most complicated of matters. Silence will destroy. If you sense that your spouse is disconnected do not ignore turning a blind eye to the situation will not fix things, as a matter of fact they will deteriorate. Discuss and iron out the issues. Listen attentively and provide empathy as much as possible.
- Healing from betrayal involves teamwork. You and your spouse must be fully committed to rebuilding your relationship. More importantly, you both need to establish mechanisms to ensure that you put in structures and boundaries that will prevent the same betrayal happening again. Seek a compromise, the goal is to resolve and find healing for both of you for the benefit of the entire family.
Live Love and thrive because you deserve it!