Setting Relationships Goals

I first learnt about setting goals many years ago and the idea intrigued me. After setting a five year goal plan that I actualized with ease and excitement, I was sold out to the idea.  I learnt about setting relationships goals and personal goals, academic, financial, spiritual and career goals.  I must say that learning to set goals was the best thing that ever happened to me.  It is always fulfilling and refreshing to measure the success every time.  Every December, I spend time to reflect and acknowledge what goals I have been able to achieve, which I have no, why not and take time to set new goals for the coming year. It is simply amazing just how motivating it is to set goals and watch them become a reality.

Relationship goals are particularly very helpful and go a long way in building healthy lasting relationships. Every company has strategic objectives and goals; they have a vision and mission statement while the same people who strategize, have vague ideas of what they want out of their own relationships. Usually they have no idea where they want the relationship to go most only clear of one thing, “I want to be loved and be happy”!
Goals can be stated or written, I prefer to have every goal clearly written in a personal journal that I can refer to quarterly, half yearly and annually.   It is important to have both personal goals and relationship goals, therefore involving your partner is necessary. It is so important that both partners have ownership of each goal. The goals can be modified during the annual review, and the objectives to be achieved for the next year can be identified.

Key relationship areas;
1. Communication: How can you become a better communicator? Find out from your partner whether you have been a good communicator and what areas they would like improvement. Your intimacy levels depend on your safety in communication.  Do you feel judged and misunderstood?   Establishing commitment goals might involve spending more time with your partner or making decisions that clearly demonstrate that your relationship is a top priority in your life.

2. Love and Affection: We discussed the language of love in the column and the importance of understanding your own language and that of your partner. How do you feel valued?  Discuss with your partner, how what they would like different and what you can do to make them feel valued. Exercise the language of love; words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, touch and acts of service. Be more expressive in the area that your partner needs you to be.

3. Shared interests/activities :Friendship is the foundation of most strong healthy relationships. It takes time, hard work and commitment to nurture friendships and the love relationship is worth working on.

4. Responsibility. It helps to have clear roles and responsibilities. Talk about your expectations.  You will be surprised that the reason your partner is not matching up is not that they do not care it is simply because they do not know. Let your partner know exactly what you expect of them. Acknowledge both your strengths and weaknesses and you do not necessarily have to play the expected traditional role, apply your gifting as appropriate.

It helps to clearly articulate your goals and write them down, follow that up with desired behavior in order to reach the goal. Agree on how to keep one another accountable and in no time, this will become a habit and subsequently a lifestyle.  When you set goals together with your partner, it will create an atmosphere of oneness and help your intimacy levels to grow.